Well, I talked to him again, and...

I asked the guy in my class if we could step out into the hall and talk for a minute, and I had mentioned the past two weeks, and that I had hugged him the week before. And I admitted to him that I had been looking at him for the past month.

Well, he told me that he was sorry and didn't mean to lead me on, if that's what he did, and that he was seeing someone. He said he thought I was "awesome," but that it wouldn't work out because he already had someone in his life.

He asked if I was okay. I said I was, but of course I wasn't. No one saw it, but while I was in class, I sat at my desk and wept. Then I went to the bathroom after class and just stood in one place and cried. (I'm still crying, as I write this post.)

While I was in the bathroom, one of the counsellors saw me and asked me what was the matter, and I told her. She made me feel a little better about it, saying that I should look at this as a blessing in disguise, because he could have continued to lead me on and taken advantage of me, but didn't.

I also called my mom, who told me that I shouldn't have let my emotions get involved and should have taken things slow. I thought I was doing that, but when she mentioned "two weeks," I thought about it for a minute. She's right--I didn't give him much of a chance.

She's suggesting that I go home and rest it off before going to work. I'll certainly try to, but that might be easier said than done...I don't know. I just know that I'm really depressed right now.

Part of the reason I feel so let down, obviously, is the fact that I am 26 and have never been in love or in a relationship with anyone, and this is just another one of many disappointments, many emotional blows. I think to myself, "What gives? What's it going to take? Is this always going to be what I get? Am I going to have to reach midlife before I finally have a significant other in my life? When's my chance going to come?" Being in love is something I've never experienced before, and it hurts when every time I'm interested in someone, either he's taken, or he can't stand me, or both.

I at least give this man credit for letting me down easily and letting me know how he felt, as opposed to shutting me out and pushing me away altogether, because that still could have been a possibility.

Well...I guess it's time for me to go back to what I was doing before--focusing on Airen. What happened to that, anyway?...