So what happens now?...

I sent another message to my classmate on MySpace. It read as follows:

"Truth is I've been a little bitter since the end of the semester. My feelings were actually kind of hurt when you told me you had a girlfriend. Yeah, I know I said I was okay. Well, I lied. I'm really quite depressed! :( I've cried over it God knows how many times in the past two and a half months. Every time I walk into Friday's or even just down Fourth Street, I feel like I'm trespassing, like I don't belong there, because you're there. I don't know if I'm making you uncomfortable or not. I really don't mean to.

"Anyway, that's how I really feel. I only hid it from you because I care about you.

"I hope there's no hard feelings. I really don't mean to put you on the spot, if that's what I'm doing. I apologize if it seems that way. I just need to clear my conscience...."

I sent it to him yesterday afternoon, after an internal debate with myself over whether or not I should do so. I was seriously considering backing out again, because I took his feelings into consideration. But then I decided, well, he can take it how he wants to take it. I don't care one way or the other. This is for me. I need to get this out of my system.

So I sent the message to him, and that was that. I was sure to write it such a way that I took personal responsibility for my feelings.

Since he hasn't been back online in over a week, I won't hold my breath--it'll most likely still be in his inbox whenever he gets back on.

If he chooses to respond, or not to respond, that's up to him. If he decides to not even read the message and discards it, that's fine, too--I might be a bit peeved, but I'll be okay. All that counts is that I gave myself an opportunity to vent and to express my feelings, more for my own sake than for anyone else's. That sounds selfish, but if I'm not in touch with my own feelings, how can I be so with the feelings of others?...

I really hope he'll take the time to read the message before making any decision. I want him to know how I truly feel, whether he cares to hear it or not. But like I said, it's up to him. And it's even more up to God. All I can do is wait and see what happens.