…At least, certain ones don’t.
Those who don’t would include serial killers, evil dictators, cult leaders…and of course, rapists.
So what, exactly, am I getting at?...
Recently, I watched the Today Show, and Kathie Lee and Hoda were talking to Stephen Baldwin, Alec Baldwin's born-again brother. He was discussing a not-so-new Christian film he had starred in, called Loving the Bad Man. It's about a 23-year-old conservative Christian woman who loses her virginity to a rapist on a dark, lonely, stretch of road one night after he fixes her car, all the while in a drunken stupor. (Isn't that how these things usually happen?...) She discovers she's pregnant, and nine months later, gives birth to a baby boy. She decides to take the brave step of visiting her rapist in prison and forgiving him, even taking Junior along for the trip so the rapist could see the beautiful child they created together.
According to the synopsis and the trailer, this proves difficult at first (hmmm...I wonder why), but eventually, he sees his chance at redemption through his victim, and the two develop a bond.
I've never seen the movie, but I have seen the trailer on YouTube (which doesn't give adequate enough details about the film if you ask me) and read the synopsis. Based on what I know already, I have a feeling that if I ever did see this movie, my stomach would want to turn hundredfold.
The idea that anyone, no matter how devoted to God they are, would want to forgive something that heinous and that animalistic, especially if it results in a pregnancy which, over the course of the first 18 to 20 years of the child's life, would cost the victim at least $200,000 out-of-pocket (possibly even if she gets assistance), sickens me. I'm sorry, but it does. I think that being raped, especially if you end up with AIDS or a baby you're not even halfway ready for, is the worst thing that can ever happen to a woman, worse than death even. You have to live with what you endured for the rest of your life, while as far as the attacker is concerned, it's a quick one-two punch, and it's over...provided he doesn't get caught (which seems to be the case a lot of the time). What's more, the rapist gets what, 10 or 15 tops behind bars?! That's not near enough. Rapists, like murderers do, should get life, because that's how long it likely takes for their victims to recover.
Even if someone can find it in their heart to forgive a rapist, I seriously doubt it would only take nine months to do so. I can see years. I can't see months. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that if this happened to me, I'd just take one look at my new bundle of joy and then all of a sudden get the revelation that I should forgive the loser who forced the baby inside my body. And I definitely would not take her (yes, her--I'd be praying hard for a girl) to prison to meet her father. He would have lost his parental rights the night of the attack. Plus, think about how this is going to affect the little one. "Come on, baby. Let's go meet Daddy in jail. He'll probably turn himself around when he meets you." Seriously?! And I shudder to think that the movie ended with the victim marrying the rapist or having lunch in the park with him and her son or some crazy shit like that (it probably did)...
Don't get me wrong--I do believe in forgiveness. But forgiveness requires repentance, and to my knowledge, most sexual predators are not repentant. Most of them, I believe, are just pure evil and wouldn't give a damn about their victims' forgiveness or compassion, anyway. So why waste one's time?...
Yes, Jesus taught us to forgive those who have wronged us (if they are truly sorry), and yes, He told us to love our enemies. But He also told us not to cast pearls before swine--not to waste all our energy trying to save someone who's truly dark-spirited (at least that's what I get from it). They alone have to save themselves. So "loving the bad man" is more often than not unnecessary.
I know I obsess over this issue, perhaps more than I need to. But it's only because this concerns me so much. It has always been a concern of mine, even when I was as young as 11 or 12. I have always feared it would happen to me, and have always hated to hear about it happen to someone else--especially if it resulted in a pregnancy, a bad reputation, or something like AIDS, and if the man or men responsible got away with it.
I have often meditated on what I would do if I, a 30-year-old night-shift worker/part-time student, were to, say, be pulled into an alley and raped on my way out to work or home from work, and become pregnant. There was a time when I had said that I would put the baby up for adoption, or perhaps have someone in the family adopt the baby (abortion was always out of the question, with the exception of my life being at risk), mainly because I was concerned with affordability, but also because I wouldn't know how to accept my baby's presence.
Being a little older and assessing the situation a little more carefully, I think I would keep the baby, but due to the possible psychological repercussions of the rape, as well as my own emotional sensitivity, I would likely find it difficult to fully accept the baby in the beginning. Because I would expect to lose a lot, I would likely lament over what the child's father would have cost me. I would also be concerned with my child's care while I'm away at work--who would sit up with a baby between 10:00 in the night and 5:00 in the morning?...
Also--and this is very important--the last thing I would want to hear out of anyone's mouth is that it's not about me, or how my body isn't mine anymore. As I told someone on DreamMoods, if I've been raped, it is about me. Even if it's true that my body isn't 100% mine anymore, I wouldn't want to hear it in a case like this, especially considering that my attacker would have already conveyed this same message to me through his actions. So dear loved ones, if worse should come to worse in this manner, do not say this to me.
(The person on DreamMoods also said that a victim could simply get counseling to help her deal with this cold, harsh reality. But considering that she has a baby on the way, she likely wouldn't be able to afford therapy, and even so, who wants to pay a therapist 100-some-odd dollars an hour to tell them that their body belongs to someone else?...)
I'd still go to school, of course--a baby would be all the more a reason to keep going--and I'd try really hard to look for a job with the degree I already have. I'd still continue writing stories, journaling my dreams, and in general being a weirdo. None of that would change. I'd fight like hell to be the same Airen I've always been.
But I would never, in my life, or in any lifetimes following this one, forgive the man who initiated the changes by forcing himself on me.
According to the synopsis and the trailer, this proves difficult at first (hmmm...I wonder why), but eventually, he sees his chance at redemption through his victim, and the two develop a bond.
I've never seen the movie, but I have seen the trailer on YouTube (which doesn't give adequate enough details about the film if you ask me) and read the synopsis. Based on what I know already, I have a feeling that if I ever did see this movie, my stomach would want to turn hundredfold.
The idea that anyone, no matter how devoted to God they are, would want to forgive something that heinous and that animalistic, especially if it results in a pregnancy which, over the course of the first 18 to 20 years of the child's life, would cost the victim at least $200,000 out-of-pocket (possibly even if she gets assistance), sickens me. I'm sorry, but it does. I think that being raped, especially if you end up with AIDS or a baby you're not even halfway ready for, is the worst thing that can ever happen to a woman, worse than death even. You have to live with what you endured for the rest of your life, while as far as the attacker is concerned, it's a quick one-two punch, and it's over...provided he doesn't get caught (which seems to be the case a lot of the time). What's more, the rapist gets what, 10 or 15 tops behind bars?! That's not near enough. Rapists, like murderers do, should get life, because that's how long it likely takes for their victims to recover.
Even if someone can find it in their heart to forgive a rapist, I seriously doubt it would only take nine months to do so. I can see years. I can't see months. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that if this happened to me, I'd just take one look at my new bundle of joy and then all of a sudden get the revelation that I should forgive the loser who forced the baby inside my body. And I definitely would not take her (yes, her--I'd be praying hard for a girl) to prison to meet her father. He would have lost his parental rights the night of the attack. Plus, think about how this is going to affect the little one. "Come on, baby. Let's go meet Daddy in jail. He'll probably turn himself around when he meets you." Seriously?! And I shudder to think that the movie ended with the victim marrying the rapist or having lunch in the park with him and her son or some crazy shit like that (it probably did)...
Don't get me wrong--I do believe in forgiveness. But forgiveness requires repentance, and to my knowledge, most sexual predators are not repentant. Most of them, I believe, are just pure evil and wouldn't give a damn about their victims' forgiveness or compassion, anyway. So why waste one's time?...
Yes, Jesus taught us to forgive those who have wronged us (if they are truly sorry), and yes, He told us to love our enemies. But He also told us not to cast pearls before swine--not to waste all our energy trying to save someone who's truly dark-spirited (at least that's what I get from it). They alone have to save themselves. So "loving the bad man" is more often than not unnecessary.
I know I obsess over this issue, perhaps more than I need to. But it's only because this concerns me so much. It has always been a concern of mine, even when I was as young as 11 or 12. I have always feared it would happen to me, and have always hated to hear about it happen to someone else--especially if it resulted in a pregnancy, a bad reputation, or something like AIDS, and if the man or men responsible got away with it.
I have often meditated on what I would do if I, a 30-year-old night-shift worker/part-time student, were to, say, be pulled into an alley and raped on my way out to work or home from work, and become pregnant. There was a time when I had said that I would put the baby up for adoption, or perhaps have someone in the family adopt the baby (abortion was always out of the question, with the exception of my life being at risk), mainly because I was concerned with affordability, but also because I wouldn't know how to accept my baby's presence.
Being a little older and assessing the situation a little more carefully, I think I would keep the baby, but due to the possible psychological repercussions of the rape, as well as my own emotional sensitivity, I would likely find it difficult to fully accept the baby in the beginning. Because I would expect to lose a lot, I would likely lament over what the child's father would have cost me. I would also be concerned with my child's care while I'm away at work--who would sit up with a baby between 10:00 in the night and 5:00 in the morning?...
Also--and this is very important--the last thing I would want to hear out of anyone's mouth is that it's not about me, or how my body isn't mine anymore. As I told someone on DreamMoods, if I've been raped, it is about me. Even if it's true that my body isn't 100% mine anymore, I wouldn't want to hear it in a case like this, especially considering that my attacker would have already conveyed this same message to me through his actions. So dear loved ones, if worse should come to worse in this manner, do not say this to me.
(The person on DreamMoods also said that a victim could simply get counseling to help her deal with this cold, harsh reality. But considering that she has a baby on the way, she likely wouldn't be able to afford therapy, and even so, who wants to pay a therapist 100-some-odd dollars an hour to tell them that their body belongs to someone else?...)
I'd still go to school, of course--a baby would be all the more a reason to keep going--and I'd try really hard to look for a job with the degree I already have. I'd still continue writing stories, journaling my dreams, and in general being a weirdo. None of that would change. I'd fight like hell to be the same Airen I've always been.
But I would never, in my life, or in any lifetimes following this one, forgive the man who initiated the changes by forcing himself on me.
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