That's what I have at the moment--a jigsaw puzzle whose pieces are still being carved out before coming together. I have two outlines for it, and I've been writing on index cards to keep it from staling out.
I think writing this book will be perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it's not because I don't know what to write--as long as I don't think too hard about it, I have that part down. It's because of how the story will affect me, and eventually my readers, on the emotional level.
I can only tell you that the book has a beginning and an end, and involves some heavy things. It's already tough enough for me to write it because I know what's going to happen. But if I don't write it, it will continue to float indefinitely in my head.
I don't know if it's normal to be emotionally affected by a story you're writing. I like to think it is, because in order to affect your readers, the story has to affect you, too...right? After all, writers are readers...
I think it poses a good challenge for me. Every story written embodies some aspect of its writer that needs to be uncovered--hopes, fears, aspirations and such. I think that's where my emotion is coming from, and I suspect that it will become more of a challenge for me as time passes. But it's a good thing, because perhaps I can come to grips with some of the stuffed emotions and hidden trepidations I've had over the years.
For a long time I've been afraid of writing down my ideas like this, because a lot of the time, I (or someone else) felt like they made no sense. I'm finding that by writing it down, I'm clearing my head a bit, and I'm not so worried about certain things.
I hope to get at least half of the first draft done by Christmas--yeah, I'm feeling pretty ambitious--and having "index-card excerpts" ought to make it a little easier. If by then I can outperform my expectations, that would be awesome.
I think this is an exciting time, because I'm at a point where I'm finding out that I'm more than I think I am. I'm proving that to myself every day. Writing has helped me to reconnect with Airen...the real Airen.
I'll be so happy when I finally finish this book. It's well worth the emotional shift.
